I am constantly spun between two worlds; and I am so sick of it.
I am happy and then plunge down into sadness, hopelessness and worthlessness. Then Im happy again.
There are no reasons.
I cant live my whole life like this.
I cant control myself.
Its so difficult to do anything anymore.

I feel so bad about myself.
I can never do anything right; and tonight all of these feelings are drowning me. I am never good enough. I spend all of my time struggling to be good enough but I never am. I am a failure. I am a horrible person.
I hate myself for it.

Don't eat it you cant eat that no no no you ate it you stupid girl do you know how many carbs that is that's fat its all FAT this is why you're fat oh but you have to at least eat this in front of everybody that way they will think you're eating again you don't want people to worry do you no no everything is fine eat it all one bite at a time oh god Ifeel sick fight the urge to throw up in public shit shit I cant do it I cant keep it down "I have to go to the bathroom" run inside throw up cover the sound with running water and again and again wipe your mouth have some gum walk outside everything's fine "do you want something to eat" "I'm full I just ate"
I eat and eat and eat but I purge and purge and purge every day and my teeth are so bad now hey at least I'm getting thinner the numbers are going down but all I see is fat fat thighs fat hands fat arms fat stomach fat fat fat fat that is all I am

My favourite part of the day is after everyone goes to bed. I go outside and smoke and watch the stars. I feel like everything will be okay.

The world is such an ugly place. Everything is so horrible and dark and bleak. There is no future here, or anywhere. There is hate and anger and fear and pain.

I don't know what to think anymore. I want to say something but I can't. I have this need to express something but I don't know what it is I want to express or how I want to express it.

I am so incredibly lost. I feel lost and empty; yet strangely tranquil about it. I feel like I've accepted that I will never be any good at anything.