A Bit of Ranting

Doesnt anyone ever think to themselves, 'fuck, this life is overrated!'? I mean, when your high hopes are GETTING high, what point is there to be made? When you set yourself up for love, peace, happiness, equality, all that shit, all you're ever gonna get is a slep in the face. When you set yourself up for failure, when you expect nothing but ruin, aren't you pleasently surprised when something DOESN'T go wrong? I'm not saying you need anything GOOD to happen, just the fact that at least one bad thing DIDNT happen? Then again, it's like crossing off points on a list of 'crap things that will happen'; you miss one and get excited, but soon enough it comes around and hits you in the face.

Reality Is So Fragile

I'm pretty fucked up from all the shit I've done. I'm hearing voices and seeing shit now even when I'm sober. It's like there's always someone calling my name, always someone wanting to get me. There's whispers all the time, whispers from nowhere and yet everywhere at once. I'm crazy.
It's like I'm slipping away from reality and the reality that I base my whole existance around isn't even real. And I often wonder how many people that I talk to every day even exist.

My Depression

It doesn’t hit you with a bang. It creeps up to you, sneaks inside you and takes over. It’s so slow you can’t really notice until you look back and realise you are a completely different person. And then you give up and it kills you.

Thinking In Reverse

I feel so alone in this shell. It doesn’t matter what I do… I’m so alone. I know I’m sick. I know that maybe if I told someone, I could get help. Then I could get better. But that would mean telling someone. I can’t. I cant be any more of a burden to everyone. I fuck things up all the time and this is one thing I’m not going to let myself screw up someone’s life with. At least, for now, I’m okay. I feel stable enough to hold on for a while. But one day I’m either going to have to tell someone, or im going to die. I don’t want everything to be this way anymore – I don’t want to feel this way anymore. But some of it’s my fault. I let it eat me up. I guess im hanging between everyone I've lost and everyone left here. I’ve got to pick. And I don’t want to. But there are some things you have to do whether you like it or not.

Life In Slow Motion

I have good days and bad days. Sometimes I feel like I can move on and put it all behind me. Like I could start again. And then I feel like im just being crushed between lies and secrets and I don’t care what I do, or if anyone finds out. Then I regret it and try to start again, but I feel guilty and can’t be bothered to do anything top help myself and I think ‘what’s the point?’, and I know, someday, that I’ll get over this. And as soon as I think that, I realise I cant possibly put it all behind me. And the circle starts again.

Fragmentation Of A Dream

It’s like all the worlds I had, collided and now everything I knew is gone. Sever the ties, I can’t commit, I’m unstable. It’s like living on sand, you’re gonna sink or be washed out to sea.  I can’t blame anyone for the ruin that follows me. Im faking it so bad that I don’t know what real emotions are. Im on so many medications, and when im not, im on so many drugs, that I don’t know what’s real and what’s not. It’s like im teetering on the line between reality and dreams, and I’m afraid it’s really the line between life and death.

Falling Away For A Day In The Life Of Myself

The sun is just coming up and everyone is either alseep or just waking. Im trying to get back in the house without waking anyone. And thats on a good day. Sometimes I'll be just waking up too, but with no idea where I am and no recollection of the night before.