To be honest, I used to want to be a screwup. I wanted to be the one that always fucked up, the one who had nothing left. Now I'm trying to dig myself out of this hole that I made for myself, and I hate every second of it.
No, I dont have aspirations to be the most fucking perfect person ever. Not even close. But I just want things to be okay. I hate myself for it; I put myself here because I liked the cheap reality breaks and easy thrills, the all night parties - the nights that I hardly remember. But now all I want is for things to get better. And they are, slowly, but it hurts because Im trying so hard, so fucking hard, just to make things work and everyone says Im not trying.
But it's my fucking fault that I'm here in the first place.
What a fucking joke.
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