I want to always be as 'out of it' as possible. I want to be wasted every day and night; I want to physically feel the same way I feel, emotionally. It makes no sense but for some sick reason its better than being a part if this world; this sober world. I want my perception of reality to be as warped as possible. So no, generally, I dont get high and drunk for the 'good feelings' or the 'buzz', I'm just trying to escape this world as much as I can.