I now know what I want. Or what I think I want.
But choices are never easy.
I've just lost that spark, that feeling that I used to get. Its harder to enjoy now; I'm just stressed all the time.
I love it, in theory - but thats so much more difficult than reality.
What I've come to realise now, is that it is so much harder to admit you no longer enjoy something that you pushed to have and that everybody thinks is your dream, than it is to give up a dream that was forced on you.
Its harder to admit to yourself that you no longer want something; something that you've pushed to have.
You think you know how you will feel.
You think you will feel free. You think that a great weight will be lifted from your shoulders; but you never really know.
I want to let go but I cant. I'm not afraid of letting anyone down, because thats what I'm doing currently - I guess I'm only afraid of letting myself down.
I'm worse at what I do best....
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