I cant do it anymore. Talk to me. Dont talk to me. Come closer. Fuck off forever. Come back. Fucking hell, all my emotions are conflicting at once and I'm so sick of this. It's so fucking hard. I dont think I can ever make anyone understand that - how motherfucking hard it is to hold myself together. I need it now. I want to bleed, I want to tear at my skin untill theres nothing left, I want to bleed out all of the blood in me. You have 6 litres of blood. Blood weighs approximately 1kg per litre. The stomach holds 4 Litres. If I throw up everything then bleed myself out I will weigh 10 kilograms less. I will be at my goal. I will have perfection. I will have 45kg, if it kills me.
I want to slice lines into my skin. I want to carve through the fat tissue down to the muscle so that I can see it move through transparent layers of fat. I want to destroy myself. I need the release. Why do I do anything anymore? I dont know. I just do. Day after day, cutting away.