Rocking back and forth, my knees pulled to my chest and I’m gasping in air as nI shake and smash my head against the wall, fuck fuck fuck heart pounding freezing but sweating crying gasping dying cutting bleeding panic attack, fuck fuck fuck what am i going to do i am so fucking stupid this is never going to end well i should just kill myself i love you and im a wreck and i dont like who i am meant to love and im not even okay tonight nim shaking and crying and i want you to hold me cause everrything feels better that way. who am i kidding, going to the police will do nothing the video will get around everyone will see how disgusting and what a whore i am and everyone will hate me and nobody likes me anyway i am sick of being afraid of you i need to fix this. you ruined my life, you ruined me,l you stole something from me that i feel i will never replace, i feel as if i have this gaping hole inside me where you violated and stole parts of me
i am so sick, scared, upset, i am not okay, cuttin cutting, cutting… three days till christmas and i want to kill myself i hate feeling this way